new poem

[lil_miss_bea3]

dedicated to my friend Danielle it brought tears to her eyes when she read it..but then again thats her

"Two Faced"


Your teardrops tell no lies
Spilling the truth and secrets out
I envision what you've been through
The aching ness of a new day
The rage locked tightly away
The little key hidden in your pocket
Assailing them in your mind
Those who made you suffer
They play with you; the little Barbie they never had
You're an actress on their stage
Bellowing the things that shouldn?t have happened
Humor and wit at the surface
On the inside drama and horror
I've seen the real you
It leaks from your pores like the blood from a gun wound
Show me the wounds of your soul
Mend them into a new you


1-20-04

[Hannibal]

Your teardrops tell no lies
Spilling the truth and secrets out
I envision what you've been through
The aching ness of a new day
The rage locked tightly away
The little key hidden in your pocket

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">I liked that far. After that it went a bit southward.
I didn't care for the fact that I had no idea when you were referring to "them" (although I used to/ probably still do, that a lot in my poems).
BUT - i think if you put the lines together "assailing them in your mind - those who made you suffer)
it would work much better.

That was pretty much my only hang up with this one.. as i said - loved the beginning...
oh, but..

It leaks from your pores like the blood from a gun wound

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">When I think gun wound - I think explosion - BAM, blood splattering everywhere - not leaking.
Just kinda contradictory there - a bit picky - i know.

But - I liked it.
I give it 3 stars (out of 5) - which means it's a bit above average - but there's still much room for you to grow [img]smile.gif[/img]